The 5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse

By: Dave Cox

There are lots of fad cleanses out there. Some are 3 days, some 5, some 7 and some even go all the way up to 15 days. Some involve kale, green smoothies, cabbage soup and all kinds of other unsavory foods and shakes. If you’re lucky enough to survive any of these detox diets, your psyche will forever be damaged because of the horrible things that you had to put into your body. I had finally seen enough of these ridiculous fads, so I developed my own plan.  I hope you like it. It’s called the “5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse.”

Initially, I was going to call it the “5 Day Bean Burrito Cleanse” but my extensive research found that there is something special in the Taco Bell bean burrito that makes this cleanse such a success. The process is quite simple and the results are phenomenal. Just follow my simple 5 day plan below and you’ll be on your way to a brand new you!

taco_bell_bean_burrito_01

Day 1 – GETTING STARTED

Breakfast: You’ll have to skip breakfast on Day 1 because bean burritos are not available on the Taco Bell breakfast menu. Drink lots of water and one extra large Diet Pepsi to jump start your metabolism. Hang in there! Lunch will be here before you know it.

Lunch: 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of mild sauce and one medium Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Enjoy your first meal on the 5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse! Taco Bell bean burritos are magic. Use 3 packets of mild sauce (very important) on each burrito. You’ll feel quite full and satisfied for a couple of hours. As soon as you start to feel a little hungry, you’ll feel some gas pains. Don’t worry, this is completely normal. Depending on how frequently you’ve eaten Taco Bell in the past, you may or may not need to spend some time in the bathroom. This is the beginning of getting those toxins out of your system.

Dinner: Order 3 Taco Bell bean burritos and put 1 in the refrigerator for breakfast tomorrow. For dinner, you’ll have 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of hot sauce and one large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Note: Diet Pepsi is ideal, but substitute unsweetened tea if necessary. Use 3 packets of hot sauce on each burrito. This is when you will begin to understand the magnitude of the 5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse! Approximately one hour after eating the burritos and finishing your Diet Pepsi, you will spend some quality time in the bathroom. Everything that you have eaten today will leave your body and then some. The cleanse is working already! Pat yourself on the back because you made it through Day 1.  

Day 2 – FIRST FULL DAY

Breakfast: Grab the extra bean burrito that you ordered last night. You can heat it in the microwave or eat it cold. It’s up to you because this is YOUR cleanse! No sauce at breakfast. Drink 2 large cups of black coffee with your bean burrito, followed by one 8 ounce glass of water to jump start your metabolism. You’re now ready to take on the day, and the bathroom.

Lunch: 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of hot sauce and one medium Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 3 packets of hot sauce (very important) on each burrito. You’ll feel quite full and satisfied for a couple of hours. As soon as you start to feel a little hungry, you’ll feel those gas pains like you felt yesterday, but they might be a little stronger this time. Don’t worry, this is completely normal. Your body is beginning to expel significantly more matter than you have taken in. The metabolic process occurring to break down the bean burritos is starting to break free years of waste that is stuck in your large intestine and bowels.

Dinner: Order 3 Taco Bell bean burritos and put 1 in the refrigerator for breakfast tomorrow. For dinner, you’ll have 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of fire sauce and one large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 3 packets of fire sauce on each burrito. Approximately one hour after eating the burritos and finishing your Diet Pepsi, you will spend some time in the bathroom again. Everything that you have eaten today will leave your body plus a whole lot more! The cleanse is is now expelling 33% more calories than you took in today. Pat yourself on the back because you made it through Day 2.  

Day 3 – HELL TO PAY  

wipes

I’m not going to sugar coat this – Day 3 is not going to be fun. Your body is beginning to deplete its reserves because of all the excess matter being evacuated. You will most likely begin to experience some discomfort in the bathroom, so you might want to get some baby wipes. It’s also VERY important to stay hydrated during the rest of the 5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse, so please drink lots of Diet Pepsi, coffee and as much water as you want.

Breakfast: Grab the extra bean burrito that you ordered last night. You can heat it in the microwave or eat it cold. It’s up to you because this is YOUR cleanse! No sauce at breakfast. Drink 2 large cups of black coffee with your bean burrito, followed by one 8 ounce glass of water to jump start your metabolism. You’re now ready to take on the day, and the bathroom.

Lunch: 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of fire sauce and one medium Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 3 packets of mild sauce (very important) on each burrito. You’ll feel quite full and satisfied for a couple of hours. As soon as you start to feel a little hungry, you’ll feel those gas pains like you felt yesterday, but they’ll be much stronger this time. Don’t worry, this is completely normal. Your body is expelling significantly more matter than you have taken in. The metabolic process occurring to break down the bean burritos is chasing those toxins from your body at a remarkable rate.

Dinner: Order 3 Taco Bell bean burritos and put 1 in the refrigerator for breakfast tomorrow. For dinner, you’ll have 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of fire sauce and one large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 3 packets of fire sauce on each burrito. Approximately one hour after eating the burritos and finishing your Diet Pepsi, you will spend several hours in the bathroom. Everything that you have eaten today will leave your body plus a whole lot more! The cleanse is is now expelling 66% more calories than you took in today. Pat yourself on the back because you made it through Day 3.  

Day 4 – DEAR GOD, WHAT IS HAPPENING TO ME?!?!?

Day 4 is brutal – plain and simple. Your body is thoroughly confused because it has never seen such a fuel source more efficient than a Taco Bell bean burrito. You might even have to go to the bathroom BEFORE you finish a meal. As a matter of fact, you’ll probably woke up last night, at least once, for some bonus cleansing. It’s that good, folks!   .

Breakfast: Grab the extra bean burrito that you ordered last night. You can heat it in the microwave or eat it cold. No sauce at breakfast. Drink 2 large cups of black coffee with your bean burrito, followed by one 8 ounce glass of water to jump start your metabolism. You’re now ready to take on the day, and the bathroom is eagerly awaiting your first visit.

Lunch: 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 6 packets of fire sauce and one large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 3 packets of fire sauce (very important) on each burrito. You’ll feel quite full and satisfied for a couple of hours. As soon as you start to feel a little hungry, you’ll feel those gas pains like you felt yesterday, but they might be a little stronger this time. Don’t worry, this is completely normal. Your body is beginning to expel significantly more matter than you have taken in. The metabolic process occurring to break down the bean burritos is starting to break free years of waste that is stuck in your large intestine and bowels.

Dinner: Order 3 Taco Bell bean burritos and put 1 in the refrigerator for breakfast tomorrow. For dinner, you’ll have 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 8 packets of fire sauce and one large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 4 packets of fire sauce on each burrito. Approximately 2 minutes after eating the burritos and finishing your Diet Pepsi, you will spend some emergency time in the bathroom. Everything that you have eaten today will leave your body plus a whole lot more! The cleanse is is now expelling a miraculous 79% more calories than you took in today. Pat yourself on the back because you made it through Day 4.  

Day 5 – DAY OF RECKONING

underwear

This is the final day of the 5 Day Taco Bell Cleanse. By now, you’re probably wearing your best pair of athletic shoes and you have a pack of baby wipes in your pocket. Your coworkers are probably a little annoyed at what has happened in the bathroom this week, but they’re also jealous because you’re a lean, mean Taco Bell bean burrito eating machine. Hang in there. Today is not going to be easy. No pain, no gain. Note: You’ll incorporate diablo sauce on the final day of your cleanse!

Breakfast: Grab the extra bean burrito that you ordered last night. You can heat it in the microwave or eat it cold. No sauce at breakfast. Drink 4 large cups of black coffee with your bean burrito, followed by one 8 ounce glass of water to jump start your metabolism. You’re now ready to take on the day, and, let’s face it, you probably had to eat this meal while sitting on the toilet. How efficient is that, by the way? Food in and food out at the same time!

Lunch: 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 8 packets of diablo sauce and one extra large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 4 packets of volcano sauce on each burrito. Chances are, you will also eat this meal on the toilet. Don’t worry, you only have one more meal to go! Your body is fighting you, but only because it never knew it cold be this efficient. The metabolic process has completely cleaned your large intestines and bowels and you are now metabolizing significant amounts of body fat. Sure, it hurts, but you’re almost done.

Dinner: . For dinner, you’ll have 2 Taco Bell bean burritos, 12 packets of diablo sauce and one extra large Diet Pepsi or unsweetened iced tea. Use 6 packets of diablo sauce on each burrito. Your body is fighting you, but you’re almost done. The cleanse is is now expelling a miraculous 233% more calories than you took in today. You probably left work at lunchtime and have spent the rest of the day in the bathroom. You made your spouse go grab these last two burritos for you, but YOU MADE IT! When you wake up tomorrow, you will know that you transformed your body in 5 short days. Congrats!!

CONCLUSION

So, there you have it. The most simple and effective 5 Day Cleanse on the market today.  And the cost is unbeatable. You purchased a total of 24 bean burritos at approximately $1 each, 10 Diet Pepsi’s (or unsweetened iced teas) at approximately $1.30 each, 4 packs of baby wipes for $5 each and one pack of new underpants at $17.  For $72 (less than the cost of 5 days of groceries) you are a brand new person!!!  YOU DID IT!!!

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